My Solo Journey

Ah, traveling alone.

Taking off solo to a foreign country, with no itinerary, four days after my eighteenth birthday.

No Spanish needed in Costa Rica, right?

I may have guessed prior that my greatest lessons along this journey would entail: finding transportation, finding somewhere safe to sleep every night, budgeting, and the whole language barrier situation.

Little did I know, the greatest lessons of all, would only entail skills to travel alone,  but how to really be with myself throughout the process.

You see, I’m a people person. I love talking to others, sharing thoughts and ideas, and having constant friends surrounding me.

My overrun extrovert personality has gotten me far too used to relying on others company to have fun.

Getting lost has not been the scary part, no… It’s getting lost alone. The things that have triggered my every fear has been the lonesomeness of simply my own thoughts on a ten hour bus ride, or in a cheap hostel solo. Its the quiet dips in the ocean and navigating a scary town with only the company of myself to walk me through the day. The constant desire for a presence greater then my own at every waking moment of my alone time, in fear of what my mind truly may come up with when in freedom of distractions of others.

 

And now, 14 days into my solo excursion through Costa Rica, the quiet ocean swims, astray midnight walks, and lonesome bus rides are what I live for.

I have learned to not only love, but appreciate and cherish the every chance I get to be simply be with my own presence.

I no longer feel the need for constant companion, as the only companion I absolutely need is my very own.

This evening at Punta Mona, the rain poured on us harder then ever.

Breaking free of everybody, I found my way to the beach to take a quiet dip in the ocean.

The shore had a thick, lonely mist to it. My only company was the grumbling sounds of howler monkeys in the distance.

Already soaked, I waded into the Caribbean sea. And, just like the rain, the ocean had the perfect warmth to it.

I was no longer afraid of entering the stormy, angry ocean all alone. I felt peace with myself and simply enjoyed being in my own head.

Although a thick fog clogged the entire sky, and rapid raindrops tumbled onto the sea, the water remained crystal clear, and oddly calm.

Lacking a single wave in sight, I watched fish swarm my ankles in a frantic, as teardrops flew from the sky.

Water meeting water.

This was a moment only I will ever be able to comprehend. The sights, the feelings, the sounds and the oh, so distinct smells… indescribable.

Drippings of warm water created miniature puddles on the crystal glass surrounding me.

Heavy fog blanketed the entire coastline.

Restless clouds danced above my free, naked body.

The smell of sweet, fresh rain and crispy, humid air.

The sounds of trickling water on water and singing monkeys, tuning in with the rains harmony.

I floated on my back and howled with the jungle, thanking the universe for bringing me here.

I have begun to love myself enough to simply love the company of my own, and for that I am so, so alive.

 

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